A lot of people are drawn to language learning because of personal connection. Maybe it’s the language of your parents, grandparents, or even great-grandparents. In language learning, we call these heritage languages, and the people who grow up around them are heritage learners.
But here’s the question: should a heritage learner feel obligated to learn their ancestral language? My view: only if you’re motivated to. Interest and enjoyment are far more important than guilt or pressure. Let me explain.
My Heritage Languages
I grew up around many languages. My parents were born in Moravia, part of the Austro-Hungarian Empire. They lived in a Jewish community where German was the main language, but also spoke Czech at school once Czechoslovakia was formed.
When they fled in 1939, they went to Sweden, where I was born. My first language was Swedish, and this was the language I spoke for the first five years of my life. However, when we immigrated to Canada, my parents decided we would speak English at home.
I was raised without pressure to learn German or Czech. In fact, my parents were happier for me to learn French, since we lived in Canada. As an adult, I went on to learn many other languages; but I never felt pressured to learn my heritage languages.
It’s Not Too Late to Start Learning
Many heritage learners blame their parents—or even society—for not raising them with their ancestral language. I’ve spoken to someone who was mad at his father for not forcing him to speak Dutch. Professor Henry Yu from the University of British Columbia takes it a step farther and attributes his inability to speak Chinese to Canada’s emphasis on English.
But blaming others isn’t useful. If you want to learn your heritage language now, you still can. I didn’t start Chinese until adulthood, and I became fluent. With motivation, anyone can take on their heritage language at any stage in life.
The truth is, most kids aren’t very interested in their heritage language when they’re young. I know this from experience. For example, my mother wanted me to learn piano. I resisted, and after many daily battles she eventually let me quit. Looking back, I could say I wish she had forced me to continue—but the reality is, it wouldn’t have worked. I simply didn’t want to, and I had my own interests. The same is true for languages: without genuine motivation, forcing a child to keep going rarely leads to lasting success.
Don’t Force Yourself to Learn a Language
A language cannot be forced. I tried to encourage my own kids to learn French, but the more I pushed, the more they resisted. Forcing someone to learn a language almost never works, even if it’s their heritage language.
It wasn’t until my son Mark had the opportunity to live in different foreign countries as a professional hockey player that he became interested in learning languages. He is now the CEO of LingQ and has studied five languages.
By no means does this mean that children cannot learn their heritage languages. There are amazing cases—like my friend Tetsu Yung, who raises his children with “one person, one language,” giving them five languages from birth. But that’s exceptional, not the norm.
Culture and genetics are not the same thing. Just because you have Chinese, German, or Mexican ancestry doesn’t mean you’re obligated to speak Chinese, German, or Spanish. Within a few generations, most immigrant families blend into the local majority language.
The reality is simple: people learn best when they want to learn. Motivation is the key.
Conclusion: Learn the Languages You Want
Heritage learners often feel pressure—from family, community, or society—to reclaim their ancestral language. But no one should feel morally obligated to learn a heritage language.
If parents can create an environment where kids are genuinely interested in the heritage language, that’s wonderful—but forcing it often backfires. In fact, it can even turn children off the language altogether.
It doesn’t make sense to be moralistic about learning a “heritage” language—or to judge children of immigrants who don’t speak one. Too often, kids with Chinese or Korean heritage, for example, are expected to know those languages just because of how they look. That isn’t fair.
If you want to connect with your roots, wonderful—learning your heritage language can be deeply rewarding. But if you’d rather pursue French, Japanese, or Arabic, that’s just as enriching.
In the end, the best language to learn is the one you’re most motivated to learn.
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FAQs
1. Does not learning a heritage language mean losing your culture?
Not at all. Culture isn’t in your DNA—it’s in your experiences, your connections, and the things you choose to embrace.
2. Is it too late to learn my heritage language as an adult?
Absolutely not. I started some languages in my sixties. With motivation and the right approach, anyone can learn at any age.
3. What’s the key to raising multilingual kids?
Make language learning natural and enjoyable. If kids see the language as fun and useful, they’re far more likely to stick with it.
4. What if I feel guilty for not learning my heritage language?
Don’t. Language learning is personal. You can start anytime, and guilt won’t help you progress—curiosity and motivation will.
5. How do I choose which language to focus on if I have multiple heritage languages?
Follow your interest. The language that sparks curiosity and excitement will naturally keep you motivated. Don’t feel obligated to learn every language that you are ancestrally connected to.
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9 comments on “Should Kids Learn their Heritage Language?”
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Agree with you completely there! People should be learning what they are interested in!
However… I think this kind of issue gets treated often not as “you have to learn your heritage language”, but rather “you will eventually regret if you don’t learn it”, similar to how people talk about tattoos for example (“you will regret having it when you’re older” and so on – Some do regret eventually, others don’t).
We quite often have students come to our school who are heritage speakers of Chinese, in the sense that their parents speak it, but they either don’t speak it that well, or speak it but are unable to write. They specifically come to us so as to fix that.
When I was in junior high, we used to study Arabic. I remember that I was actually really good at it and had high marks, but I didn’t really have an interest, and once those three years were over, I forgot everything from Arabic. Now I’m studying Arabic anew and feel it a bit of a shame that I didn’t study it harder back then or at least tried somehow to keep it. Naturally if you told me back then that I will regret losing it, I will be like “Yeah right, good riddance!”
I can’t agree with you. Obviously, I don’t think anyone should be forced into anything, but I strongly believe that you should promote multilingual environment for the kids if you have the opportunity. That way, child naturally picks it up and isn’t forced into anything. You’d probably agree that the more languages you know, easier it is to learn another and I believe it is invaluable gift we can give to our children.
I agree completely. Where from in Moravia were they? I was born into a nice vila house with that I suspect might have belonged to a Germans or Jews before?
If I have any kid someday, I would like to raise him/her in an English-speaking environment, but I would speak to him/her in my native language (Darija). Writing might not be an issue, since Darija for the moment is not recognized officially as a language, and has no standard form. My (likely) future wife would speak to the child in Persian, and thus hopefully he/she would be raised with at least 3 different native languages (my girlfriend and I also think we might start using Esperanto, which we are learning slowly, instead of English for most of our conversations).
Hi Steve! I believe that you are somewhat right that whoever blames their parents still have the ability to learn languages as an adult. However, I truly think parents (and I’m one of them) can do more to get their kids interested in language learning and multicultural environments. For example, my sister-in-law (Italian in origin) is now teaching English in Guatemala. She is learning Spanish to help her. Yet she blames her father for not teaching them Italian as kids – a close language to Spanish. I can see her point of view because it wouldn’t have been that difficult to try and speak to them in Italian once in a while, but they didn’t.
Great post! I definitely think they should learn their heritage language. It’s important to know your roots and learning another language is so good for a developing child’s brain. Thanks for sharing!
I was born and raised in Russia, but my parents are of Japanese and Korean origin. They both did not speak any other language but Russian, neither did I, of course. When I was a kid someone from my family wanted me to learn some Japanese but I did not show any interest and they did not insist.
I don’t regret that I didn’t take my chance back then, because now I understand that learning a language “из-под палки” is a waste of time. Never I was interested in English too, until I grew up and realized (as an adult) that it was really important.
Well, probably someday I will have interest in Japanese and Korean and learn them. Anyway, I’ve never had any shame for not speaking them because my parents didn’t speak them too.
Sorry Steve, I don’t agree. I understand that your situation growing up was very different, but not everybody is the same. If we don’t care about our native language, most of our kids will only learn English, maybe French as well (in Quebec the other way around). Not everyone is enthusiastic about learning languages. As things are going in this world, are we all just going to speak English then? Why would anyone want that? The true beauty is in preserving different languages, not erasing them.
Hi Steve! Really great post with some great points, but I disagree with your conclusion. You’ve discussed your arguments in relation to children of immigrants and families with differing cultural backgrounds, but have you considered other situations, e.g. people who have not learned to speak their native language because a non-native language is the dominant language in their native land? In this example, would you still say it’s ‘equally fine’ for them to not like learning their heritage language?
I agree that language learning should not be forced, but the struggle for some people to have their language (and therefore culture) more recognised and represented is real. Here’s an example that might put things into perspective: in Australia (where I currently live), the learning of indigenous languages in schools has been described as ‘not economically valuable’ for kids in the long term by some people.
This kind of sentiment has been used to justify prioritising the learning of certain languages over others for business, in schools, universities, and so on all around the world, even in the native lands of the languages not being prioritised.
What do you think of the idea that perhaps another key reason why many people choose to learn other languages over their heritage language is because they are more valued? And, more importantly, do you think this is really okay?